Comings and Goings
The 2012 season has seen a number of changes at the Park. An influx of new players to the first team, changes of captaincy in the thirds and fourths and the addition of a new second team overseas, Boring Wyngard. Jayden Hoare is back again as the first team genuine overseas and has proved he has been working hard over the winter with the ability to effortlessly slip back into Mac Ds body abuse and regain his place as the number one abuser.
As well as the newcomers, there is the obvious absence of
one Trundler Lanaway. Missing in action since last season, the veteran Park man
has apparently surfaced in the farmers and villagers’ league where even Andy
Healey could score runs, but the whispers suggest this could be Emerson Twiddy
moonlighting. Please note: The Dominic Lanaway sweepstake is readily available
for entry – please see Paul Morkel or Jayden Hoare for more information.
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| Have you seen this man? |
Every dog has its day
In an interesting turn of events, Ray ‘the Dog’ Keatley propelled himself into the second team for the first league game, leaving behind his fourth team leadership role so that he could globe up. Not content with that, the Dog decided to have a go in the third team, and didn’t disappoint with two league globes on the trot. Rumours have been circulated that he could do a job at the top of the order for the first team in the coming weeks.
The League Season
The first team are currently joint top of Division Two, after
their first defeat to fellow promotion club Bromley Common, they have chalked
up three wins in a row and are looking like strong contenders for the championship
already. All this has been achieved without any practice games and the
opposition teams in the league will surely be on the end of some serious
cricket once the team hit some real form. Bush Pig has hit the ground running
with two half centuries and should have reached a century against Dartford
until he played a shot like Ben Cobb on a dance floor – simply wrong – and was
bowled reversing. Craig ‘Uzi’ Williams will hopefully be providing the
cheerleaders when he finally passes 50 this season, with two 40s and a 30 until
now. The skipper, John ‘just give it a wax’ Harvey, took a brave 4-50 to beat
Dartford but has been overshadowed in the bowling department by the pace men
Mental Ben Entacott (6-27) and Normal Ben Collins (7-67). Facing Gore Court in
a top of the table clash in June, the first team will be looking for a result
to secure their position at number one in the league.
The second team have produced one loss, a winning draw and
two wins, which leaves them third in the league after the first month of
matches. Wheely Bin will be happy his lads have hit a winning streak, with
performances from Trigger and the Chair with ball and bat. Blackberry Wyngard
has produced the first league century of the season at the club when he made a
quality 134 against Canterbury. Reach-around also produced a fine spell of
medium-slow bowling to take 6-23 against Orpington. Will ‘Lurch’ Putt ensured
he was not forgotten after turning up for his first league game without any
trousers, then getting lost on his way home before returning to the fixture at
the Park. Lurch has also introduced the Park men to his unique chat in the
field and following this on, he will be publishing the “Will Putt’s guide to distinctly
average encouragement” phrase book, which will be available at all good petrol
stations in the Rusthall area.
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| The new 3rd team skipper making some big calls |
The fourth team have also only played three games thus far,
resulting in one loss and two wins for the team previously known as the Dog
House Select. They find themselves fifth in the league, but the potential is
there to progress and build on the two wins in a row. Phil Bill has been in the
runs at the top of the innings and continued his run of form when he top scored
for Kent over 100s midweek. Jerome Hayes produced an uncharacteristically quick
51 from 36 overs against Laughton to secure a bat second win, next man in
skipper Champion having to be shaken awake before going in to bat. With a crop
of good young players and some experienced old heads, the team will be pushing
for the top three spots this season.
The Sunday first team, under the casual watch of Ollie
'Sponge' Morkel have only played three games, but of course have won them all. Always making
a game of things, they have snatched a victory in the final over against
Cowdrey, after toying with them for 40 overs and have easily seen off Catford
& Cyphers and Locksbottom. This has not been without incident, notably
Moaning Wyngard receiving a send-off from a young chap who looked like it may
be his first season in cricket. The send-off fuelled the entertainment that
followed as for each visiting wicket that fell, Byron got closer to bowling at
his man, and when he couldn’t control his patience and took it out on the
square leg umpire the Park knew they were in for a treat. Bowling short ones
that his mate dealt with at square leg, before finally removing his off stump to
win the game, the Blackberry addict had the last laugh and sent the boy on his
way with some flair. Ollie Morkel has hit two half centuries, Cam ‘flick the
hair’ MacGregor hit his first senior half century and the Dog Keatley even took
his blindfold off and chipped in with a 44. Will Putt has been on hand to keep
the lads motivated in the field.
The Midweek side have played three and won two this year,
Ollie Morkel, Tom Davis and Jayden Hoare all making half centuries. Byron
Vineyard made another Park century against Tenterden with 104 of the finest
chipped runs (no sixes). The same match saw a dramatic win from the last ball
with a Ben ‘Dribbler’ Cobb run out but also saw the darker side of cricket when
Andy Healey turned up late after going for a quick ploughing match – and it
went downhill from here. The ex-greengrocer patted one back to make 0 then took
his fine form into the field, dropping one from Paddy Power Harvey then
throwing the ball in disgust to result in overthrows. This overthrow was
compounded when Michael Iwan Dafydd Tom Jones Passport Shotton chucked it straight
back over the keeper for another run. John ‘no need for eyebrows’ Harvey is
said to be seriously considering his selection policy for the next run of
midweek games and will be presenting the ‘Andy Healey trophy for match losing
efforts’ each week.
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| The longest Andy has held one up for |
Sweet or Sour
Sweet
1.
Byron Wyngard two centuries
2.
Ben Collins and Anand both taking seven wickets
3.
Clean sweep for the Park on Saturday 2 June
4.
Ben Entacott cleaning up Catford in one over
5.
All teams’ league positions
6.
Craig Williams bringing his support to the next
home game
Sour
1.
Andy Healey midweek v Tenterden
2.
Ray the Dog three league globes
3.
Ollie Morkel’s effort at ribs night
4.
Early season weather like Tom Gibson’s chat –
dull
Result: A sweet start to the season. C’mon the Park.
