The summer starts
It was a harsh winter, but the cricket season is well and truly upon us. The league season has begun with the firsts and seconds competing in Division 1 of their respective Kent Leagues. The thirds find themselves once again in division 6 of the East Sussex League and the fourths up to division 9.
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| The Chair turns up ready for action |
There are some new faces at the Park this season. We welcome them and know they will all be valuable additions. That said, Stuart “Heads-up” Faith had different ideas when he thought a new approach to bowling would be to play piggy-in-the-middle with the batsmen and exclude him from the game, simply chucking it over the top to the keeper. “FIVE PENALTY RUNS” one club source was said to have commented.
Chewbaxter has taken the heat off Trigger in recent weeks and soon they aim to put together a world beating pub quiz team.
Back again this year is Bryony Winergard who has been in his usual hearty spirit this season. Reportedly, Ronnie flew his Blackberry over in its own first class seat as nothing is more important that his BBM – a flight attendant checking seatbelts was seriously reprimanded (although she understood none of it) when she leaned in too close to the beloved communication device.
We also welcome Corne van Persie this season, yet another Proteas man who has discovered the joys of English wickets very early in his visit.
New bar management has already seen success in 2013 with an immaculate, OCD stocked bar courtesy of Ray The Dog and his master Laura 'Bean' Harman-Keatley. In a cunning move from the Essex princess, The Dog has been allowed to spend all his time behind the bar but only under the watchful eye of she who sets the rules. This has driven Raymond to acquire a lackey of his own - Chewbaxter.
A fresh social secretary team has been launched and the results have been clear to see. Paul 'best in family because I write this'' Morkel does all the work and Bet Browny simply sits back and watches - very similar to what he does every Saturday. Look out for the next social event soon...
Over the top – the League battle begins
1st team
After a round of pre-season friendlies all parties were ready for the league to start. The first team started off at Sandwich Town where BB Ronnie and Filthy Clarke both knocked fifties to set the home side 200. A mention must also be made about Michael “Mini Harv” Brown who seems to be as nonchalant with his batting as he is with his cash, notching a superb golden globe in the first league game. With the game in the balance after 40 overs of the reply it was called off, not before a rather confident youngster had waved kindly at a few of the park boys. Browny is said to have taken exception but is on best behaviour after P&P gate last season. Big Bunny Ben Entacott managed to snaffle his first Michelle Pfeiffer of 2013.
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| Stuart Faith lands one |
2nd team
Starting off at home with an abandoned game against Sibton Park was unfortunate for the athletic second team who didn’t have a chance to bowl before the rain kicked in. Luckily for everyone Arnie Gasking had provided tea so there was at least half a sandwich for each team to tuck into. There wasn’t much to celebrate at Lordswood the next week in a rather one-sided defeat except the brutal attack launched by Beamer the Silver Fox and Trigger Macklemore to save some face at the end of the innings. Trigger was so confident after his knock that he worked some chav-magic on an unwitting female spectator and promised her a similar performance in the return leg. A resounding defeat at home to Hayes came rather unexpectedly after dribbler Ben Cobb had put his early season globes behind him and claimed four wickets, with the visitors setting a target of 178. This was apparently far too many and after a rather incapable performance with the bat the Wheely Bin XI were all out for 43. The likes of this has not been seen at the Park since Dave Thomas was steaming in down the hill rolling sides with his double bouncers. The seconds need to do some work to climb out of the relegation spots.
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| Cobb in the good old days |
3rd team
Kev has made some interesting decisions this season. Clearly an avid reader of Park Life he used the analysis from last year to his benefit and promptly pushed himself up the order claiming his net form was “brutal and unforgiving to anyone that chucks the red rock at me”. The Badger’s side made a poor start to the season being rolled for 84 in the first game but came back against Iden in their next match to secure a Snakey-special winning draw. The Chairman notched a useful half century before slipping off to pick up another car from the breakers yard. In their latest game the third team thought they had done all the hard work, limiting Stanmer to just 132-9, the skipper claiming four scalps along with Greek Scot overseas-hunter Bellendvanis. Unfortunately the chase did not go well and only Alexander McQueen suave boy Milky managed double figures. On the plus side it was good to see meathead Tom Gibson back doing what he does best – nothing. The thirds are in 7th position and will look to make their way up the table at home to Waldron on Saturday.
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| Who says Park men don't scrub up well? |
The Champion fourths have drawn all three games thus far. Wadhurst’s 131 was just out of touch but did see best in family James Corner taking four wickets for just 10 runs. The 190 scored at home against Forest Row was always too big a target for the visitors but Champ's boys were unable to claim the last couple of wickets for victory. A maiden big-man half century from the lothario Milky got the innings off to the ideal start until he noticed Top Man had a sale on and hurriedly chipped one to a fielder. Second best in family Andrew Corner knocked 41, ably supported by Duct Tape Matt Collins The Gun Show who bruised 37 as easily as he does bench presses. Best in family James Corner again delivered with hugely impressive, identical figures to his first match; 4-10. He has since been asking TomDan why they can’t clean up like he does and refuses to talk to them until they perform to his level. Their third draw against Bells Yew Green saw the Park men battle to 151 with Jerome Hayes simply boring the opposition bowlers into submission with his 41no from 873 balls. On the day his batting was likened to watching back-to-back episodes of Songs of Praise whilst Ben Cobb and Stuart Clarke talk batting stats at you. The fourth team will hope to stay in the promotion spot they currently sit in.
Sunday 1st XI
The Ollie Morkel Select XI kicked the season off in typical fashion. Facing a strong Three Bridges side they managed to put on score of 230 with Chewbaxter scoring a half century and Trig dodging jug duty with 47*. Huge Turner made the difference with the ball claiming four wickets and signing autographs for passing Tunbridge Wells residents who were sure they were witnessing Anne Hathaway gliding around the Upper Common. Park eased to victory in the end, but not before Winegums had made more friends in english cricket.
A handy fixture secured last minute by the Don King of LPCC, Clarkey, saw the pink polo Sunday crew travel halfway round the M25 on a bank holiday weekend to a ground where the wicket resembled a slice of last years Stilton and played just as badly. The Park boys were limited to 150 and came close to stopping the opposition chasing them down with only two wickets remaining and a handful of deliveries. New man Matt Biddle looked solid with the bat for 42 but his thumb suggested otherwise in A&E on Monday afternoon - great track.
The Physio Room
Currently in residence:
- Cameron 'brittle bone' MacGregor after doing his best Tony Hawk meets Justin Beiber impression.
- Matthew 'Ice Man' Withers after doing something to his finger involving scotch eggs and a spanner.
Sweet or Sour
Sweet
1. Ronnie makes first club ton of the season in midweek side
2. Sunday side knock over Three Bridges
3. Doghouse stocks the bar with Curious Brew (product placement wedge please)
Sour
1. Poor league form - no wins as yet
2. Globe watch - eyes on Browny, Cobb, Putt and Narnia
3. Lack of jugs being bought - you know who you are...
A bittersweet month - lets make it sweeter than Byron on the phone to his lover next month.
Follow LPCC on Twitter: @LindenParkCC
