2012 Season of Champions

Winter 2012 - R&R

It was a successful season. A great season. An emotional season.



Division II Champions 2012



As Christmas fast approaches, what better present can there be than a winter edition of Park Life...apart from a Sankey's membership card?

First team champions



2012 saw the first XI reach the heights of Division 1 of the Kent League after being crowned champions of Division 2. This was achieved despite Stuart Clarke becoming cricket's answer to Jamie Rednapp, with a seemingly different injury every week. Despite the fact that the Chair was called up for one game (0). Despite the fact that there were more prima donnas in the team than Soho on a Saturday night. And, astonishingly, despite the fact that Andy Healy wore the gloves most of the year.

All in all a great feat. The Queen himself John Harvey is in his element now, and trying to approach Rob Key after he stepped down from the Kent captaincy was a bold but admirable move. Key was heard to be questioning if he would be comfortable with "standing down at fine leg and keeping a lid on it" for 50 overs before having to "roll out the magic" with the bat. For more information contact PR guru John 'Max Clifford' Harvey.



Kent League Dinner 2012



Second team deliver again

The club's consistent performers and all round athletes, the second XI, again secured a promotion spot to take them into division 1 of the second team league. Standing side-by-side with the first team, true potential is now being realised. Again, this is despite the fact that Will Putt played a game or two. Despite Wheely Bin Davis having some stroppy turns worthy of a pop star diva. Despite the overseas claiming playing in England was like playing on the savannah, the pitches were too big, therefore sixes were completely unachievable. And, despite the fact that  Jerome did not make the side - a poor call in many people's eyes.

The second team will of course be seeking that cherished promotion once again. Almost as much as Tom Gibson seeks to find that little bit of talent that left him a few seasons ago.

Third team fighters

The battling third XI, under the watchful leadership of mad-eye-mincer Snakey will be looking to capitalise on their experience of division 6 in the 2013 season. The bearded warrior will be telling his troops that promotion has to be the goal and with talents such as Brian 'where's he from?' Lane, Ray 'Bean' Keatley, Huge Turner and the wannabe Oxbridge scholar Milky; who can doubt this?

In a revealing bit of stat work it turns out that, unbelievably, Snakey tops the batting stats for the third team and ranks in second place in the bowling table. If this isn't motivation for some serious performances next year, I don't know what is.

Fourth team on the charge



Phil Bill's fashion icon



Inspector Morse’s side gained back-to-back promotion when they finished in third spot of Division 10. Looking forward to division 9 cricket and the chance to make it a hatrick of promotions next year are a fine crop of players, rising from the junior ranks, on this quest for silverware.

However, in addition to the youth of this side, there is the experience. So much experience in fact that some of the side pay their match fees in shillings.

The blend of the team has obviously influenced county pro Phil Bill, whose trainers this season looked like they were straight out of the latest Tinie Tempah video. Safe Phil.

 

Sunday Development side capture promotion

The Sunday Development side gained a well deserved promotion this season. This places the development side into the top tier of the Kent Sunday Development League which is a brilliant position to be in. Another personal feat in this side was Milky ending up as the leading wicket taker for division 2 - not bad considering he has no time to train given his preparations for his Oxbridge interviews are in full swing 17 years ahead of schedule.

The promotion result was secured as soon as it was announced that Catford Cyphers would be the final fixture of the season in late September - a guaranteed no-show. Not even Ronnie's mate turned up. Skipper Browny was unavailable for comment as he refuses to answer his phone during the hours of 7am-8pm as he is too busy "smashing  targets and making big calls" on the junior apprentice.

Sunday first team

2012 was also a successful year, once again, for the Sunday first team. Winning the majority of their games and always managing a silent over or two shows great maturity and talent. The highlight of the season had to be our favourite chap from Catford smashing Bush Pig windmill style into the Pantiles after the arrogant aussie bet him he couldn't.

Honeymoon Watch

A new addition to Park Life, especially for the winter edition, is Honeymoon Watch – the latest round-up of all honeymoon activity kicking off within LPCC. Quite coincidently it happens to be the honeymoon of Ray ‘Doghouse’ Keatley right now. The Dog was reported to be having a great time polishing and sweeping his hotel room as his new bride demanded higher standards of the cleaning staff, whilst she was seen sipping coconut juice on a CaribBEAN beach. He was also very pleased to leave New York with a credit card bill the size of Hayden’s last dinner after Mrs Doghouse hit the sales.

Transfer rumours

During the off season there is obviously a lot of market activity for the Manchester City of Kent league cricket. In addition to the negotiations that may or may not be taking place with the ex Kent skipper, there has been one other big summer signing being whispered about this winter. Park Life can exclusively reveal that Dan ‘Chucky’ Scott-Ham will indeed be signing for the 2013 season. This will be welcome news to many members who have demanded the club ensures the high quality talents are retained. This will be a big boost for the 2013 campaign.

There are further rumours that Tom Gibson is in talks with Sissinghurst 4^th team about a potential fifth-change slot in their attack. Talks are heard to be tricky due to Gibson not knowing where this place was.

The last potential signing being discussed in the corner of Cassidy’s most evenings is the new contract being penned with Heston Blumenthal. This move is strongly opposed in some corners with Snakey telling anyone who will listen that he could do a better tea with his eyes shut.

Farewell to overseas

A big farewell has to be said this year to a player that has moved abroad - Woody. Now residing in Edinburgh and bossing things on the pub quiz circuit, we may well see less of the Wizard this coming summer. He does expect that a few wands could be pulled and he will make some appearances out of the blue, when we least expect it.

Another farewell to our long serving and most recent overseas Jayden Hoare has to be made. The Bush Pig has been the centre of all things Park over the past few years and we owe him many thanks for the work he has done on, and more regularly, off the field. Unfortunately, due to a violation of certain probationary rules involving too much self-confidence and gangster status updates, the Kiwi all-rounder will not be gracing us next season. We wish him well with his future quests and hope that one day, he may well come up with a better line than: “Got any Australian in you?...”. Ciao for now J-dog.



"Full bunger?"

FINAL REMINDER: LPCC AGM 29/11/2012 at 8pm at the club